Friday, May 4, 2012 , 12:54 AM
I've lost sight of what's in front of me
How many of you have felt lost before?
More of lost and less of alone actually, more of lost inside your own mind,
lost in your thoughts.
Have you ever just sat down one day and this influx of thoughts flood your mind and heart,
it's a little too overwhelming to sort things out even in a few days?
Ever just woke up one day thinking that you want to do something else in life, or suddenly realising that you're not happy or satisfied with whatever you have at the moment?
Well if you have, you're not alone. I'm with you on this one.
It has been really tough for me the past few days; the past week to be honest.
It's one of these days that you just drop to your knees begging for a little more time to figure things out before you head back out there to carry on with your life.
It's just one of those times when you need a little more space than usual, and little more freedom and a little more peace to sort out your life and get things back up and running.
I've been really lost and feeling out of place these few days.
I've had a lot on my mind. In fact, right now there are a million thoughts going on in my head as I type out what I'm feeling at this very moment and my hands are trembling a little.
I'm afraid, really.
It's just as if one day I just got up and everything was out of place.
Maybe I am exaggerating a little bit, but it certainly feels this way.
I was sitting at the table earlier on thinking through my life and about what I wanted.
It was a little too much so I decided I had to take it so down so I could read it the next time I feel this way again.
I feel that I want to belong somewhere else.
This place is already rich and complete with what it is, but it is not enough to fill me.
I feel that everything I had thought was worth it, isn't worth so much anymore.
The people, the ones I felt had more in them, don't really have much in them anymore.
It's disappointing, but I have come to accept that life has helped me understand this.
Sometimes I just want to lie down and forget the world, but that's only for a few minutes because you either sleep thinking about your problems, or you wake up being reminded of them.
Scary how thoughts never go away.
I've been wanting to find myself recently because I feel that I've been out of touch with my own emotions, but in this busy life, who has time for emotions?
Looking for love, wanting to love, everyone's just too busy, right?
How many of you have really sat down thinking, "He's the one I want to spend my life with." or "She's the one I want to grow old with."?
Do people even think like that anymore?
Do people even think anymore for that matter?
It seems like I've tuned myself to believe YOLO - You only live once.
Somehow people have said that YOLO is a stupid excuse to do stupid things in your life.
True there, but doesn't the saying say enough?
You only have one life; but in this one life, you don't get to do all the things you want to do.
Life as it is has its own rules, but should you let it limit you so much that you sit by the sidelines all your life?
Should you let what is depriving you take away all that life has to offer?
I'm at a crossroad.
I don't know what I want to do in my life, but do I know I have to come to a decision soon.
There are so many things I want to explore and study but given the fact that it won't offer as much as other things may, I am not very supported or encouraged to go through with it.
People do different things for a reason; but the world, given the way it is now,
simply forces people to do what they have to, even though they might not like it.
That's not the way I see it. I believe that in this one life God has given you,
it is a test to understand and find yourself, not to do what society tells you to.
You might think otherwise, but this is my side of it.
People want to work to earn millions.
Some do it for the money, some are just motivated.
People spend all their lives working for something that will make them happy when they are old.
But ask yourself, how many times do you get to be who you are now and be happy?
Are you willing to spend all this time to look back at it and feel like you never went for it?
So what if you have the fastest car in the world when you're 60?
So what if you have the most expensive house in the most expensive city in the world after you retire?
When I'm 60, if I'm dying of cancer, but I know that I have lived a happy life, isn't it enough?
Why is society asking so much from the world?
Why are people working so hard to earn what can only buy items that you die without?
Why do people want to work all their lives to earn all that money only to keep them alive with machines later on when their time is near?
Doesn't everything happen for a reason?
Shouldn't people be given the freedom to do what they love or do what they were born for with the time and the life that they have been given?
So many questions that I don't have the answers to.
Teenagers these days say they have the world's most frustrating or complicated problems or that they are dying from insufficient love or from even being alone for a little while.
I say that these kids are choking with the dire want for attention.
Girls want brands, girls want competition.
So what if you're carrying a Long champ bag, so what if you have a Prada wallet?
My Jansport bag is enough to carry the items you have in yours, and my wallet from the departmental store is enough to hold all that I need.
What is there to show to the world?
What are you trying to prove?
Is it really worth all that effort?
Maybe I know why I'm so lost after all.
Maybe this is the time where I realise that I don't want to do what I've always wanted to do, and that is why I'm stuck; I have no other choice but to find something else.
It doesn't feel good not knowing what to do or where to pick yourself up from because you don't know what knocked you down in the first place.
It hurts and it is terrifying to know that you have something bugging you but you don't know what it is or how to rid yourself of that heavy burden in your chest.
Sometimes we all need that little space, and I'm contented I found this one right here.
Just remember that if you do feel lost, take a little time to find yourself again.
I'm just about to do that.
Saturday, April 28, 2012 , 8:47 PM
I'm not good enough
How many of you have heard the phrase "I'm not good enough"?
I'm guessing tons of you have.
This is one line that gets me raging and so mad that I barely think when I scream the next few words in my head though a reply to that person.
Why do you keep saying that you are not good enough?
Who said that you are not good enough?
Of all those times that you have told yourself that you are not good enough, may I ask, has anyone ever agreed to it? Has anyone ever said that you aren't?
Chances are, people tend to reply saying that you are worthy of it all and that you're just over thinking.
Truth is, they're probably right.
What makes you think that someone is better than you? Having a low-self esteem.
What makes you feel that you're not good enough? Insecurity.
If you know you're any of the above, you have to change.
Having a low self-esteem does not help anything and neither does being insecure.
Never ever say that you're not good enough.
Who said so? Who said you're not good enough? Who told you? Where did you even get the idea? It is the most stupid excuse to give somebody despite whatever period or though phase you are going through. However, if someone has indeed told you that you are not good enough, always remember that that person is the one inferior to have looked down on you. Only you know what is enough for yourself.
Have you ever asked yourself-What is good enough? Who sets the standards? Who are you even comparing yourself to? Why should you compare yourself to someone? If you say you are not good enough, well then tell me, WHO is good enough? What is enough to you?
Most of the time people say this when they lose hope in something, to make themselves feel less worthy of it, which makes it much easier to give it up if you actually think about it. If you feel you are deserving of something, won't you fight for it? Agreed? If you don't think you're worthy of it, chances are you'll find ways to lose it eventually, yes?
There is always someone better, someone prettier, someone smarter (all of which are in your own opinion), but there is only one of you.
Why do you want to be good enough? If everyone is enough of something, won't everyone be the same? And if everyone is the same, you'll have to settle for the same thing someone else is settling for. Be happy, feel lucky, you are different.
Your differences set you apart, they don't make you inferior.
Never say you're not good enough.
Don't compare yourself to anyone else, you are your own person.
, 8:33 PM
Here's a video on First Position, the trailer of a documentary.
It's clear that the style of it is Ballet, but do watch it. I'm sure you'll have goosebumps and such overflowing motivation to fight for what you love to do to be the best.
Many people do the same thing; many people do it well; many people have won.
But in one competition, there is only one winner. In one showcase, only a few get noticed.
What do you have to do as one that does not stand out, to make your way to the spotlight?
What are you going to sacrifice to earn that few minutes of appreciation?
Are you going to make all that sacrifices? Is this what you live for?
I've always asked myself that.
Why dance? It is almost the only sport that is not a full time career and it does not give you anything in return. Dance is the reason why I've been able to let go of all the things that hurt me before. It was the only way that chose me, not that I chose it, to let go of all my fears, break down my barrier and move to the front line.
How many of you are daring enough to say you want to be the lead?
How many of you are bold enough to say you will train to be the better than the best?
How many of you are courageous enough to make it happen?
Ask yourself that. And if you know that you want something so bad, you are willing to give up every little piece of freedom that life has to offer you, I say go for it.
How many blessings has God given us to love something with all your heart and be ever so ready to make sacrifices? Not many I must say.
It's a really short video, but a really inspirational one.
If you are a dancer, keep pushing because I will too.
If you aren't a dancer, keep on doing what you makes you happy.
To my readers reading my post tonight,
always be inspired, and you will be ever ready and open minded to learn.